6.0
Or we might try to draw the responsibility more narrowly and apportion it more
exactly. And not use equations and integers but instead express matters in
traditional narrative terminology. So, for instance, if Tony And there the
photocopy—this version of a version—stopped. “So, for instance, if Tony”: end
of the line, bottom of the page. If I hadn’t immediately recognised Adrian’s
handwriting, I might have thought this cliffhanger a part of some elaborate
fakery concocted by Veronica. But I didn’t want to think about her—not for as
long as it was possible to avoid doing so. Instead I tried to concentrate on
Adrian and what he was doing. I don’t know how best to put this, but as I
looked at that photocopied page I didn’t feel as if I was examining some historical
document—one, moreover, requiring considerable exegesis. No, I felt as if
Adrian was present in the room again, beside me, breathing, thinking. And how
admirable he remained. I have at times tried to imagine the despair which leads
to suicide, attempted to conjure up the slew and slop of darkness in which only
death appears as a pinprick of light: in other words, the exact opposite of the
normal condition of life. But in this document—which I took, on the basis of
this one page, to consist of Adrian’s rational arguing towards his own
suicide—the writer was using light in an attempt to reach greater light. Does
that make sense?
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