Back to Kafka and Felice

Soaked up quite a bit of Strindberg, now I'm returning to Franz's letters to Felice Bauer.

This postcard, dated August 13, 1916, is worth inserting whole:

Dearest, reading incontestable matters such as these, one becomes more and more confused: In 1876 Fontane accepted a civil service appointment as Secretary of the Royal Academy of Arts, and resigned from it at the end of 3 1/2 months amid appalling quarrels with his wife. To a woman friend he writes: "The whole world condemns me, thinks me childish, high-handed. I am forced to put up with it. I have ceased to discuss it, etc." Later: "I have held this appointment for 3 1/2 months. During the entire time I have derived not a single moment of enjoyment, experienced not a single pleasant sensation. The job is as distasteful to me from the personal as from the practical point of view. Everything galls me; everything stultifies me; everything laureates me. I have the distinct feeling that I shall always be unhappy, could become emotionally disturbed and melancholy." "I have been through dreadful times. And what had to happen, had to happen quickly. I may still possess sufficient strength and elasticity to get things back to where they we're the day this disastrous appointment was offered to me. Other people's wisdom helps me not at all. Anything they can tell me I've told myself in 100 sleepless hours. One day I shall have to atone for it and the leisurely days (leisurely despite their horror content) will have to be exchanged for those devoted to work." "One cannot strive against one's innermost nature, and in the heart of every man lies a Something that, once it feels adherence, will not be pacified or overcome. I had to decide whether to lead a dull life, devoid of light and joy, for the sake of material security, or etc." So today it was Fontane who wrote to you instead of me.
                                                         Kindest regards, Franz

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